Life....I hate not knowing how to take it all in....how to really deal with it. I can't seem to figure why I've been this trainwreck of emotions lately.....I want to take a long drive, blast some loud, angry music and scream at the top of my lungs....Maybe that's what has to be done to get these negative feelings out of my body. It's so hard to even put any of it into words to explain to the people I love what's going on in this head of mine. I guess that fear of rejection and not understanding from them scares the hell out of me. The hardest part is that I have no particular explanation as to why I feel like this.
I have a wonderful life. I have the best friends in the whole world and they love me. I have an amazing family and I have this awesome man in my life who loves me with all that he has. They means just as much to me a I do to them. It has nothing to do with any of them.....It's just ME....I work two jobs...Exhausting but I enjoy both of them....When I'm cleaning, I just put in my earphones in and do my favorite thing in the whole world....Hear the sound of beautiful music....It's my serenity. My other job consists of caring for some really great older people who really need me there for them....One of the greatest feelings in the world is being needed.
I'm not arrogant, selfish, or conceited. I have grown into a very confident and secure human being, thanks to a wonderful support system I know that I am an extemely good person. I have plenty to offer those in my world. I love with all that I have. I care very deeply. I am smart and fun. I have this awesome personality and I know how many people love me. So I can't really say why I have these inecurities and fears. I'm happy, I really am. So, where does this emptiness come from?
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